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My Modern Met gives us an idea how the night sky would look if the planets were as close as the moon.

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And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:41-44)

God notices and appreciates the little things. Little things are powerful. They can accumulate to have positive and negative impacts on our homes.

Little things affect our marriages. Most husband-wife relationships that have grown to be strained are not so because of one-time, massive, easily-identifiable “meteors” that suddenly and unexplainably fell out of the marital sky. Most of the significant problems we experience in our marriages can be attributed to the multiplication of the little things—a selfish choice here, rude disregard there. Attitudes produce actions. Actions evolve into habits. Habits undeniably impact life at home. Given enough time, the little things can snowball and cause serious damage at the very foundation of a marriage.

Children who are not taught to appreciate and participate in the little things are set by their parents on a trajectory of ingratitude and self-centeredness. Mom is not the maid. Dad is not the ATM. Children are not entitled to everything their hearts desire, nor should they be treated as immune to sacrifice or free from accountability. When the little things are taken for granted, erosion of the heart is experienced that can eventually lead to devastating consequences.

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Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. (Prov 12:25)

The weight of anxiety can affect life at home. This weight comes to settle on big and little shoulders for a variety of reasons: an upcoming test at school, problems on the playground, a job-performance review, an impending business trip, an unpleasant confrontation, sickness, financial strain—these weights are real and carrying them can be difficult.

When our hearts are weighed down, it’s easy to “take it out” on the people we love the most. Throughout the day, at school or at work, we may do a pretty good job of balancing the weight and keeping our spirits under control… until we get home. Then, we find it all too easy to be grumpy, mean, and hurtful with our families.

Anxiety in a man’s heart may weigh him down, but “a good work makes him glad.”

  • Dads: it was a long day. What about deliberately reflecting on “a good word” before you open the front door?
  • Moms: it was a long day. What about intentionally taking a moment to pray for patience before the chaos of the evening has the opportunity to hit critical mass?
  • Teenagers: it was a long day. What about carefully checking your attitude before your interaction with Mom and Dad takes a negative turn?
  • Kids: it was a long day. What about looking for little ways you could help out and pick up after yourself before things get crazy around the house?
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I was asked to contribute this article for the January 2013 (“Stopping Divorce”) issue of Pressing On, an e-magazine for growing Christians. If you haven’t already subscribed, you’re missing out on some great monthly content.

Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it” (Prov 22:3).

You never get used to it. The tears. The excuses. The perplexed looks that reflect shattered hearts.

I’ve sat and wept and prayed with far too many broken men and crushed women who wish they had established and respected safeguards in the past to protect their marriages that are disintegrating in the present. I’ve never sat or wept or prayed with a faithful spouse or fulfilled couple who regretted having established and respected marital boundaries. Guardrails don’t inhibit happiness; they lead to and protect happiness.

The prudent recognize the dangerous threats of the modern world to their marriages and hide themselves behind boundaries of wisdom and mutual respect.

The simple scoff. “It’ll never happen to me.” “No one’s gonna tell me what to do.” “If my wife doesn’t like it, she can get over it.” “That part of my life is none of my husband’s business.” The simple scoff and go on, but they and their marriages eventually suffer for it.

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A Baby Won't Fix It

March 26, 2012 — Leave a comment

Some wise words for couples from Justin Davis:

In 1998, Trisha and I moved from Saint Charles, Illinois to Kokomo, Indiana. This move–in my mind–would be the move that made everything better. Our son Micah was two years old, Trisha was pregnant with Elijah, and our marriage of three years wasn’t going how either of us had envisioned. This move was going to be special because we were moving from an $800 per month, 800 sq. ft apartment to a $525 per month, 1,200 sq. ft house. We were buying our first house!

In my mind, this would solve everything. Our house had a yard, neighbors, privacy, sidewalks and space. We were going to own it. I was convinced this house would fix Trish. This house would solve our problems. This house would reduce the frequency of our arguments. This house would cover all the things we disagreed about.

I soon came to realize that our first house didn’t fix it.

The truth is, we can never expect an external thing to fix internal problems. That just does’t happen.

So often, when people are having marriage problems, they believe “if we just had ______” or “we just accomplished ______” or “we just got ______” or “we just moved ______,” then the problems in our relationship would go away. Marriage will be better when:

  • I get that promotion
  • We get out of debt
  • We move to a bigger house
  • I finish my degree
  • We make more money
  • We move closer to “home”
  • We have a baby

Babies are great. But a baby won’t fix it. A baby won’t fix the distance you feel. A baby won’t restore trust when trust has been broken. A baby won’t help you be more honest with each other. A baby won’t bring you closer spiritually. A baby won’t help you forgive. A baby won’t cause him to pursue you more. A baby won’t fix it.

We can’t count on something external—whatever that something is—to fix an internal problem.

There are two things that will fix what’s wrong with your marriage:

  1. Pursuing God
  2. Pursuing your spouse

When you do those two things, you allow what’s broken in your heart, your relationship, your soul to begin the process of healing. You begin to move closer to God and closer to your spouse, and in that process, you begin to address the issues you have rather than counting on a new house or job to cover those issues up.

A baby won’t fix it. But your pursuit of God and your spouse can.

It’s Valentine’s Day, guys. Whether you and your wife exchange gifts or not, could I encourage you to think about three of the most meaningful gifts you could possibly give your wife?

Your eyes. Remember Job’s resolution in Job 31:1?

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”

A dozen roses on Valentine’s Day is nice. But do you know what means more to your wife than roses? Trust. Trust that you won’t use your God-given eyes to embezzle what doesn’t belong to you. Blessed is the wife who trusts that her husband’s gaze is captivated first by God, then by her.

Your body. Remember Paul’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4?

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Chocolate-covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day are sweet. But do you know what means more to your wife than chocolate? Confidence. Confidence that you will use your body in a way that glorifies God and honors her. Blessed is the wife who confidently knows that her husband’s body belongs first to God, then to her.

Your heart. Remember Jesus’ warning in Matthew 5:28?

“I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Diamonds on Valentine’s Day are breathtaking. But do you know what means more to your wife than diamonds? Faith in you. Faith that your heart has been fortified and is being guarded every day, everywhere against sexual temptation. Blessed is the wife who believes because she has been shown that her husband’s heart belongs first to the Lord, then to her.

By all means, let’s make our wives feel special today. But let’s remember that marriage is about so much more than roses, chocolates and diamonds. It’s about trust, confidence and faith in each other. Wound her heart on those fronts, and there aren’t enough roses or chocolates or diamonds in the world to remove the scars that are left.

If you want your wife to exclaim, “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:16), make it clear by your daily conduct that your eyes, your body and your heart belong first to God, then to her and her alone among the women of this world.

There has never been a woman blessed with a perfect marriage to a perfect man. So what’s a woman to do when her husband is caught in sin, reveals an area of vulnerability or is just plain weak for a time? Where can she go when her husband isn’t the rock she needs him to be?

This sermon encourages struggling wives to:

  • ASK: “Who (or what) is my rock?” (Mat 7:24-27)
  • REMEMBER: “Even before I am a wife, I am a daughter.” (Col 3:1-3)
  • SEEK: “In the day of trouble, I will seek the Lord.” (Psa 77)
  • RESOLVE: “I will be a woman of respectful and pure conduct.” (1 Pet 3:1-2)

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God” (Psa 20:7).

For more sermons, visit the Sermons archive.

Around the Web (11/21)

November 21, 2011 — Leave a comment

A good analogy for parents from Ron Edmonson:

Wedge:

Many parents allow children to be a wedge between them. They have separate discipline policies, differing goals, and different methods of communicating with their children. They talk negatively to their children about the other parent and force the children to take sides between the parents. Some parents use their children as a tool to get even with the other parent, while others use their children as an excuse for a bad marriage.

Bridge:

Cheryl and I used our children to bridge our relationship. Obviously, couples talk about children naturally, so we used that time to dream together, plan for our parenting, and escape for our personal time. Our two boys became a glue that continually brought us back together. We never gave our boys an answer on major issues until we talked about it together first. We refused to let our boys pit one of us against the other. We didn’t always agree at first, but our boys didn’t know it at the time and it forced us to come together on a decision, which in turn helped strengthen our marriage.

Are your children a bridge or a wedge in your marriage?