“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.” (Matthew 5:13)
To gain and maintain influence you must have moral authority. Moral authority is the critical, nonnegotiable, can’t-be-without ingredient of sustained influence. Without moral authority, your influence will be limited and short-lived.
Moral authority is the credibility you earn by walking your talk. It is the relationship other people see between what you say and what you do, between what you claim to be and what you are. A person with moral authority is beyond reproach. That is, when you look for a discrepancy between what he says he believes and what he does, you come up empty. There is alignment between conviction and action, belief and behavior.
Nothing compensates for a lack of moral authority. No amount of communication skills, wealth, accomplishment, education, talent, or position can make up for a lack of moral authority. We all know plenty of people who have those qualities but who exercise no influence over us whatsoever. Why? Because there is a contradiction between what they claim to be and what we perceive them to be.
We will not allow ourselves to be influenced by those who lack moral authority in our eyes. Inconsistency between what is said and what is done inflicts a mortal wound on a leader’s influence.
For this reason, moral authority is a fragile thing. It takes a lifetime to earn. But it can be lost in a moment. And once it is lost, it is almost impossible to restore.
If others are aware of a discrepancy between what you say you believe and what you do, or between what you do and what you want them to do, you will have little moral authority. If people recognize alignment between your beliefs, actions, and expectations, you will have moral authority. It is all about walking your talk.
As a visionary, the one thing you can control and must protect at all costs is your moral authority. Moral authority makes you a leader worth following. Moral authority positions you to influence people at the deepest level: heart, mind, and conscience.
Family is a realm in which the significance of moral authority is easily evaluated and understood. Think for a moment about your parents. Were they (or are they) leaders worth following? Do thoughts of Mom and Dad elicit feelings of respect?
If so, it is because you perceive consistency or alignment between what they say and what they do. Your respect for them is not determined by their financial, academic, or social accomplishments alone. In fact, you may hold them in high regard in spite of their financial, academic or social standing. They have moral authority.
If, on the other hand, you have little respect for Mom and/or Dad, your feelings probably stem from what you perceive to be an inconsistency between what they said and did, what they claimed to be and what they truly were. And all the financial, academic, and social accolades in the world cannot compensate for the inconsistency.
Think for a moment. Isn’t it true that as their inconsistencies became more and more apparent, you found yourself less and less open to their influence? As they lost their moral authority, they lost their influence. On the other hand, parents who maintain their moral authority are able to maintain their influence throughout their children’s lives. Such is the power and potential of moral authority.
This same dynamic is at work in every marriage. As a husband, my ability to influence Sandra hinges on my competency and my moral authority. And the same is true of her influence over me. By being competent in an area, she can trust I know what I am talking about. But my moral authority, the alignment between what I say and do, is what enables her to trust my motive. My moral authority determines whether or not she believes I have her best interests in mind.
All the ability, talent, and charisma in the world cannot take the place of moral authority.
- Visioneering: God’s Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision
Moms, Dads, we are the premier visioncasters. We must paint a vividly clear picture in the minds and hearts of our children of what they can become in their character, conduct, and even their careers. We must pour into their spongelike souls a vision of what they could accomplish with their lives. After all, we see their potential far better than they do.
It is incumbent upon us as stewards of these precious lives to introduce them to their potential, to lift their eyes off of today’s realities and focus them on tomorrow’s possibilities. We must ask God to give us a clear vision for our children and cast it every opportunity we get.
The most significant visions are not cast by great orators from a stage. They are cast at the bedsides of our children. The greatest visioncasting opportunities happen between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Monday through Sunday. In these closing hours of the day we have a unique opportunity to plant the seeds of what could be and what should be. Take advantage of every opportunity you get.
Not long ago I was lying down with Andrew, my six-year-old, and Garrett, who just turned five, going through our nightly routine of verses, stories, and prayer. I don’t know why I chose this particular night to introduce the subject of God’s special plan for their lives, but I did. After our prayers I leaned down close to Andrew and said, “God has something special for your life, and I can’t wait to find out what it is.”
Without hesitating he asked, “What’s yours?”
“What’s my what?” I asked.
“What’s God’s special thing for your life?” he said.
I wasn’t prepared for that. So I did what most dads do in a situation like that. I called a time out. “Andrew, it’s late, but I will tell you all about that tomorrow night.”
That began a whole new level of dialogue between my sons and me. As I have an opportunity to describe “God’s special thing” in my life, I am finding opportunity after opportunity to point them toward a preferred future for their lives—what could be, what should be. My most significant visioncasting takes place on my knees with my face twelve inches away from the faces of my children.
- Visioneering: God’s Blueprint for Developing and Maintaining Vision
Randy Alcorn, on the danger of unrestricted, unmonitored Internet access:
It was a few days ago, but it has stuck with me.
I was walking through our kitchen. Chloe was telling Shelly about her day at school. She mentioned that a friend had cried off and on all day. On the playground, when asked what was wrong by some of her 3rd-grade classmates, this little girl revealed that the night before she had been told that her parents were “breaking up.” At that point, one of Chloe’s other classmates laughed, told the little girl it would be alright, and remarked, “Nobody stays together anymore.”
The accepted concept of marriage in the eyes of this 3rd-grade girl was summed up in that one statement. Undoubtedly she had heard it before. She could say it with a laugh. And, intentionally or not, her words are one more shaping influence in several other 3rd-grade minds. “Nobody stays together anymore.”
Parents, work to give “good gifts to your children” (Matthew 7:11). Do what you can to create an environment where the hearts of your children are cheerful. Enjoy watching as they learn to walk in the ways of their hearts and the sight of their eyes (Ecclesiastes 11:9). Just remember that one of the greatest gifts you can possibly pass on to your children is the security produced by a father and mother who genuinely and selflessly love each other to the glory of God.
Enough money can buy any toy, but there isn’t enough money in the world to buy a cheerful heart. Job promotions can open exciting doors of opportunity, but job promotions can’t produce fulfilling marriages. Recreation can recharge our physical batteries, but recreation alone can’t repair broken hearts. A bigger house can provide more space, but a bigger house doesn’t equal a happy home.
Those selfish demands you’re making? They are eroding the foundation of your marriage.
Those disrespectful judgments that have become a regular part of your vocabulary at home? Your children are listening.
Those angry outbursts you’ve grown accustomed to inflicting? Each one is weakening the stability of your family.
The dishonesty that is characterizing more and more of your decisions? It will eventually consume you like a cancer.
The hidden lusts of the flesh you continue to sinfully gratify? They are lying to you. They will eventually cost you everything that matters.
Husbands and fathers, take a moment to imagine your son on the playground. Wives and mothers, take a moment to imagine your daughter nonchalantly remarking, “Nobody stays together anymore,” and offering her own parents as proof. Let’s be humbled by the fact that today’s actions will impact tomorrow’s circumstances. Today’s choices will strengthen or weaken tomorrow’s marriage. Today’s decisions will shape tomorrow for our children.
Be on guard today, and say a prayer for those children whose future has been made more difficult and lonely by the selfishness of their parents. May they find peace and fulfillment in a submissive relationship with the only perfect Father in heaven (Matthew 7:11).
A while back, I posted Ten Facebook Rules for Married Couples. As a follow-up, here are ten tips to consider (via All Pro Dad) for monitoring and protecting your kids on social networking sites like Facebook.
- Parents should know the login password and have access to their child’s page.
- Parents should customize their child’s settings to make their profile safer (privacy, visibility, etc).
- An e-mail of new posts, added friends, etc. should come to the family’s home e-mail address.
- Parents should consider having an account on Facebook themselves, and children should be expected to add and keep their parents as “friends.”
- Children should not add strangers as friends, or use the Facebook “chat” application to talk to strangers.
- Parents should set a limit on the time that children are allowed on Facebook.
- The computer should be kept in a common area of the house, such as a living room or play room, where it will always be in easy view.
- Children should never share personal information (address, phone number, pictures, etc.) with anyone on Facebook that they do not know well.
- Children should immediately tell their parents if they see anything or talk to anyone on Facebook that makes them uncomfortable; and parents should take immediate action to block or report that material.
- If the child breaks any of the set guidelines, his or her account should immediately be deleted and a probation period should begin until they re-earn their parents’ trust.
What do you think? Can you think of any other tips?
This weekend, why not determine to deliberately act as the “bigger” person?
- Every marriage that has grown stale is an opportunity for someone to step up.
- Every friendship in silent distress is an opportunity for someone to speak out.
- Every escalating conflict between neighbors is an opportunity for someone to back down.
- Every clash of opinions between brethren is an opportunity for someone to sacrifice.
- Every foolish action in the presence of a child is an opportunity for someone to teach.
- Every bitter war of words is an opportunity for someone to shut up.
- Every bridge that has been burned is an opportunity for someone to start building again.
- Every trespass against a fellow human being is an opportunity for someone to say “I’m sorry.”
- Every offer of forgiveness is an opportunity for someone to be reminded of their own unworthiness.
Every day there are relational opportunities to let our lights shine before others so that they may see our good works and give glory to our Father who is in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16). What do we call the man or woman who takes advantage of such opportunities? The “bigger” person. Jesus calls them,
- the poor in spirit (Matthew 5:3)
- those who mourn (Matthew 5:4)
- the meek (Matthew 5:5)
- those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (Matthew 5:6)
- the merciful (Matthew 5:7)
- the pure in heart (Matthew 5:8)
- the peacemakers (Matthew 5:9)
- the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)
- the light of the world (Matthew 5:14-16)
- brothers and sisters (Hebrews 2:11)
This weekend, why not determine to step out in faith as the “bigger” person? Why not look at hardships and difficulties and obstacles as opportunities? Why not follow in the footsteps of King Jesus?
As seen through the eyes of my eight-year-old daughter.
Do not let the rhetoric of unbiblical feminism cow you into thinking that Christlike leadership from husbands is bad. It is what our homes need more than anything. For all your meekness and all your servanthood and all your submission to your wife’s deep desires and needs, you are still the head, the leader.
What I mean is this: You should feel the greater responsibility to take the lead in the things of the Spirit; you should lead the family in a life of prayer, in the study of God’s Word, and in worship; you should lead in giving the family a vision of its meaning and mission; you should take the lead in shaping the moral fabric of the home and in governing its happy peace. I have never met a woman who chafes under such Christlike leadership. But I know of too many wives who are unhappy because their husbands have abdicated their God-ordained leadership and have no moral vision, no spiritual conception of what a family is for, and therefore no desire to lead anyone anywhere.
A famous cigarette billboard pictures a curly-headed, bronze-faced, muscular macho with a cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth. The sign says, “Where a man belongs.” That is a lie. Where a man belongs is at the bedside of his children, leading in devotion and prayer. Where a man belongs is leading his family to the house of God. Where a man belongs is up early and alone with God seeking vision and direction for his family.
(Desiring God, John Piper, pp. 217-218)
Having trouble getting out of your personal evangelism shell?
Not sure how to break the theological ice with someone you don’t really know?
Just take Jadyn (2) to Wal-Mart.
Yesterday, we got some interesting looks as she repeatedly (and boisterously) sang throughout the superstore,
There’s a great day coming,
A great day coming,
There’s a great day coming by and by;
When the saints and the sinners
Shall be parted right and left,
Are you ready for that day to come?ARE YOU READY? ARE YOU READY?
ARE YOU READY FOR THE JUDGMENT DAY?
ARE YOU READY? ARE YOU READY?
FOR THE JUDGMENT DAY?
All I could do was smile and sing along.
Looking for a good children’s book to give as a gift during this holiday season? I’d recommend Tim McGraw’s new book, My Little Girl. My girls and I have been reading it off and on for the last two weeks and it’s been one of the most consistently requested books before recent bedtimes.
My Little Girl was co-written with Tom Douglas, a songwriter and singer whose hit songs include “My Little Girl” and “Grown Men Don’t Cry” with Tim McGraw, as well as “Little Rock” by Collin Raye and “Love’s The Only House” by Martina McBride. Illustrations are beautifully done by Julia Denos.
This 32-page book captures a variety of scenes from Katie’s special day with her dad. Katie’s dad had promised a spectacular day–just the two of them–and Katie can’t wait. It’s going to be a “better than chocolate ice cream with sprinkles” kind of day!
But Katie is quickly disappointed when she hears her dad say that their “big day” includes “doing nothing in particular…just being together will be spectacular.” In simple, everyday, and completely free ways, Katie and her dad spend time together–plain and simple. Even though Katie starts out skeptically, as she’s carried to bed later that night, she declares, “I had a spectacular, nothing-in-particular day.” When asked by her dad about her favorite part, Katie thinks for a moment, then says, “Being with you!”
In a time where children are consistently taught that enjoyment comes from buying “stuff” or sitting in front of a digital screen, My Little Girl is a refreshing reminder that the most important and best things in life are free. One of the greatest gifts a dad can give his children is his time. Most children don’t need more toys or video games or electronic gadgets. Most children need more undivided attention from their parents, particularly their fathers.
As My Little Girl ends, Katie is in bed, saying a prayer, and she thanks God for her precious relationships. At the end of the day, God and family are what matter most. That’s a lesson we all–young and old–need to learn.
My Little Girl is aimed at a 4-8 year old reading level and is published by Thomas Nelson. You can take a sneak peek at several of the pages here.
