Some wise words for couples from Justin Davis:
In 1998, Trisha and I moved from Saint Charles, Illinois to Kokomo, Indiana. This move–in my mind–would be the move that made everything better. Our son Micah was two years old, Trisha was pregnant with Elijah, and our marriage of three years wasn’t going how either of us had envisioned. This move was going to be special because we were moving from an $800 per month, 800 sq. ft apartment to a $525 per month, 1,200 sq. ft house. We were buying our first house!
In my mind, this would solve everything. Our house had a yard, neighbors, privacy, sidewalks and space. We were going to own it. I was convinced this house would fix Trish. This house would solve our problems. This house would reduce the frequency of our arguments. This house would cover all the things we disagreed about.
I soon came to realize that our first house didn’t fix it.
The truth is, we can never expect an external thing to fix internal problems. That just does’t happen.
So often, when people are having marriage problems, they believe “if we just had ______” or “we just accomplished ______” or “we just got ______” or “we just moved ______,” then the problems in our relationship would go away. Marriage will be better when:
- I get that promotion
- We get out of debt
- We move to a bigger house
- I finish my degree
- We make more money
- We move closer to “home”
- We have a baby
Babies are great. But a baby won’t fix it. A baby won’t fix the distance you feel. A baby won’t restore trust when trust has been broken. A baby won’t help you be more honest with each other. A baby won’t bring you closer spiritually. A baby won’t help you forgive. A baby won’t cause him to pursue you more. A baby won’t fix it.
We can’t count on something external—whatever that something is—to fix an internal problem.
There are two things that will fix what’s wrong with your marriage:
- Pursuing God
- Pursuing your spouse
When you do those two things, you allow what’s broken in your heart, your relationship, your soul to begin the process of healing. You begin to move closer to God and closer to your spouse, and in that process, you begin to address the issues you have rather than counting on a new house or job to cover those issues up.
A baby won’t fix it. But your pursuit of God and your spouse can.