Two Words That Will Kill Your Marriage

A wise warning from Justin Davis (adapted):

There are so many things your marriage can survive. Miscommunication. Busy schedules. Conflict with your in-laws. Brokenness of the past.

But, there are two words that can absolutely shatter your marriage.


  • “If only my wife had sex with me more often.”
  • “If only my husband looked at me like my boss does.”
  • “If only we had kids.”
  • “If only we made more money.”
  • “If only we lived in a bigger house.”
  • “If only we would have dated longer.”
  • “If only she took care of herself like that girl at the gym.”
  • “If only my high school boyfriend and I would have stayed together.”
  • “If only we hadn’t had kids so young.”
  • “If only she understood me.”
  • “If only he listened to me.”
  • “If only I knew we were soul mates.”
  • “If only she cooked more/better.”
  • “If only he would do more around the house.”

“If only” causes you to focus on what isn’t rather than what is. “If only” allows your mind to fantasize about someone who isn’t your spouse. “If only” believes the lie that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. “If only” paralyzes you in the pursuit of your spouse. “If only” convinces you that a perfect marriage is completely up to the other person. “If only” destroys intimacy and leaves you in a desert of resentment. “If only” deceives you into believing that the best days of your marriage are behind and not ahead of you.

The best thing you can do for your marriage today? Remove “if only” from your marital vocabulary and address the problems of the present for what they are. You can’t change the past, but you can prevent “if only” lies from destroying your future.

Do you struggle with “if only” thoughts?