"Facebook Destroyed My Marriage." Or Did It?

Some good words of wise perspective for our blame-game culture from Justin Davis:

Over the past five months there has been a trending topic that has led hundreds of people to our blog:

“Facebook destroyed my marriage.”

While I’m thankful that people who type in this phrase end up on our blog, the statement itself is NOT true.

We have conditioned ourselves to (more often than not) treat the symptoms of our problems rather than the problems themselves. Can I just say as candidly and as lovingly as possible, Facebook doesn’t destroy anything. Facebook didn’t destroy your marriage. Facebook isn’t destroying your marriage. Facebook might be the most visible symptom of the sickness that has taken root in your marriage, but Facebook doesn’t destroy anything.

• Lack of commitment destroys marriages.
• Selfishness destroys marriages.
• Not letting go of the past destroys marriages.
• Unwillingness to forgive destroys marriages.
• Lack of sexual purity destroys marriages.
• Not committing to telling the truth at all costs destroys marriages.
• Being more in love with your job than your wife destroys marriages.
• Finding your identity in your career, looks, wealth or status destroys marriages.
• Settling for co-existence rather than pursuing intimacy destroys marriages.

My guess is that your marriage was in trouble long before Facebook. Do I think Facebook can be used as a means of escape? A way to live in a fantasy world? An opportunity to reconnect with people who could come between you and your spouse? Absolutely.

But if you’re seeking to escape from your spouse rather than pursuing your spouse, Facebook isn’t your problem. If you’re looking for a way to reconnect with a girl from your junior year of high school instead of treating your wife as the most important person in your life, Facebook isn’t your problem. If you work to create an online persona that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota more than you work to impress your husband, Facebook isn’t your problem.

What would it look like for men and women to come clean and be honest and vulnerable and transparent with their wives and husbands, regardless of the cost? Could Facebook destroy that kind of commitment? How powerful would it be for husbands to love their wives with the sacrifice and unselfishness that Christ had for the church? Could Facebook simulate that? How unappealing would some girlfriend from 20 years ago be if wives were determined to honor and respect their husbands as unto the Lord?

I’m not saying there aren’t some inherent dangers to online social networks. But, I am saying they aren’t the ultimate cause of your problems. They simply accelerate the visual evidence of deeper problems.