Christianity and Quarreling Shouldn't Go Hand in Hand

Have you ever noticed how many times the apostle Paul commanded Christians to quell the quarreling?  Look up quarrel in the dictionary and you’ll find something like this:

— noun

  1. an  angry  dispute  or  altercation;  a  disagreement  marked  by a temporary or permanent break in friendly relations.
  2. a  cause  of  dispute,  complaint,  or  hostile  feeling: She  has no quarrel with her present salary.

– verb

  1. to  disagree  angrily;  squabble;  wrangle.
  2. to  end  a  friendship  as  a  result  of  a  disagreement.
  3. to  make  a  complaint;  find  fault.

If I am of Christ, I shouldn’t have the reputation of a quarreler. Says who?  Here’s a sample of God-breathed instruction taken from just three books of the New Testament—Paul’s letters to Timothy and Titus.

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling. (1 Tim 2:8)

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.  Therefore an overseer  must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,  sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?  He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.  Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. (1 Tim 3:1-7)

Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued,  not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain.  They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.  And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless.  Their wives likewise must  be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. (1 Tim 3:8-11)

Command and teach these things.  Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Tim 4:11-12)

Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers. (1 Tim 5:1, NASB)

Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband,  and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.  But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith.  Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. (1 Tim 5:9-13)

Teach and urge these things.  If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound  words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing.  He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain. (1 Tim 6:2-5)

O Timothy, guard the deposit entrusted to you.  Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called “knowledge,” for by professing it some have swerved from the faith. (1 Tim 6:20-21)

Remind them of these things, and charge them before God  not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers. (2 Tim 2:14)

But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene. (2 Tim 2:16-17)

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant  must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.  God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Tim 2:23-26)

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.  Avoid such people. (2 Tim 3:1-5)

This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you— if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife,  and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.  For an overseer,  as God’s steward, must be above reproach.  He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.  He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound  doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. (Tit 1:5-9)

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.  They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. (Tit 2:2-6)

Slaves  are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior. (Tit 2:9-10)

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. (Tit 3:1-2)

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.  As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. (Tit 3:9-11)

Clearly, if I am of Christ, I shouldn’t have the reputation of a quarreler.  I will take seriously Paul’s prescription in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”  If I ignore the inspired prescription, I shouldn’t be surprised when I reap the carnal consequences of my own actions.  “If you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another” (Gal 5:15).

If I am of Christ, I shouldn’t have the reputation of a quarreler.

About Jason Hardin

Jason lives in southern Indiana with his wife Shelly and their three daughters. He works with the Charlestown Road church of Christ. Jason has written three books and a variety of workbooks. He's a fan of photography, baseball, mountains, wildlife, BBQ, banana pudding, and coffee. You can contact him here or connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

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