Looking for a way to jump-start a healthy discussion and honest evaluation of the state of your marriage? Rob Lister has compiled 15 questions to help you do just that.
Every 6 months, Rob and his wife ask each other these questions as a tool to promote constructive communication with each other. He’s even included an article filled with practical suggestions on how to initiate and maximize the conversation.
Below are the 15 questions:
- On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the past six months. To be sure, this is a very broad and subjective item, but I have found it helpful to open the conversation with an item of this kind of breadth, because it helps to prime the pump. Obviously, you won’t hit on a ton of specifics with this one—that’s what the rest of the questions are for—but I have been truly amazed at just how much discussion this assessment alone can generate, as various issues come to mind. From there, we’re off and running. Follow-up questions in the event that the conversation fails to gain traction initially: What have been the strengths of the past six months? What would make your assessment higher?
- How has the husband’s leadership been over the past six months? The wife’s support? Follow-up: How can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?
- How is your walk with God, both personally and as a couple?
- Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
- Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
- Are we guarding meaningful time together? Prayer? Conversation? Date Night?
- How is our sex life?
- What could I do to make you feel more loved/secure/respected?
- How can I serve you better?
- What are the issues that we need to anticipate in the upcoming six months?
- What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest satisfaction in the last six months?
- How can I best pray for you?
- What are our major upcoming mutual prayer concerns?
- Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things that each of you loves and appreciates about the other.
- Then close, by spending some concerted time in prayer for those concerns you just shared, as well as thanking God for his faithfulness to you as a couple over the past six months.