15 Questions to Help You Evaluate the State of Your Marriage

Looking for a way to jump-start a healthy discussion and honest evaluation of the state of your marriage?   Rob Lister has compiled 15 questions to help you do just that.

Every 6 months, Rob and his wife ask each other these questions as a tool to promote constructive communication with each other.   He’s even included an article filled with practical suggestions on how to initiate and maximize the conversation.

Download the full PDF file here.

Below are the 15 questions:

  1. On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the past six months.   To be sure, this is a very broad and subjective item, but I have found it helpful to open the conversation with an item of this kind of breadth, because it helps to prime the pump.   Obviously, you won’t hit on a ton of specifics with this one—that’s what the rest of the questions are for—but I have been truly amazed at just how much discussion this assessment alone can generate, as various issues come to mind.   From there, we’re off and running.   Follow-up questions in the event that the conversation fails to gain traction initially: What have been the strengths of the past six months?   What would make your assessment higher?
  2. How has the husband’s leadership been over the past six months?   The wife’s support?   Follow-up: How can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?
  3. How is your walk with God, both personally and as a couple?
  4. Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
  5. Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
  6. Are we guarding meaningful time together?   Prayer?   Conversation?   Date Night?
  7. How is our sex life?
  8. What could I do to make you feel more loved/secure/respected?
  9. How can I serve you better?
  10. What are the issues that we need to anticipate in the upcoming six months?
  11. What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest satisfaction in the last six months?
  12. How can I best pray for you?
  13. What are our major upcoming mutual prayer concerns?
  14. Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things that each of you loves and appreciates about the other.
  15. Then close, by spending some concerted time in prayer for those concerns you just shared, as well as thanking God for his faithfulness to you as a couple over the past six months.

About Jason Hardin

Jason lives in southern Indiana with his wife Shelly and their three daughters. He works with the Charlestown Road church of Christ. Jason has written three books and a variety of workbooks. He's a fan of photography, baseball, mountains, wildlife, BBQ, banana pudding, and coffee. You can contact him here or connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

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The Great Commandments Apply at Home

"Which commandment is the most important of all?" Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:28-31)

If no commandment is greater than these, no environment needs them more than our homes. When God first commanded the children of Israel to love him with all their heart, soul, and might, he directly attached his expectations to everyday life at home.

"These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deut 6:6-9)

By God's design, home is "where the children are led to know Christ in his beauty who loves them so." Home, as God envisioned, is "where the altar fires burn and glow" (B. B. McKinney). Home may be "where the heart is," but nothing matters more in Christian homes than the heart of God.