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Ten Facebook Rules for Married Couples

Good, practical suggestions for the digital age from Trey Morgan below:

Facebook has become hugely popular in recent years. Lea and I both love being able to catch up with old friends and family. But like almost anything that comes along, Facebook can also present dangers and problems if not used responsibly. Here are 10 guidelines for married couples that Lea and I talked about and I’d like to share.

  1. Don’t spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, “Am I spending too much time online?” You want to make sure your spouse is your #1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook. Pursue your spouse more than you pursue online relationships. Don’t Facebook during “couple” time. (Husbands: when your wife asks you to watch a movie with her, do you Facebook through it? Wives: do you Facebook every night instead of going to bed with your husband?)
  2. NEVER hide things from your spouse on Facebook. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it 1,000 more times: openness and honestly is the glue of your marriage. When you start hiding friendships, conversations, chat sessions and comments from your spouse, that is unhealthy. If you’re not allowing your spouse to know what you’re doing on Facebook or online, that’s a sign that you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing.
  3. Share your Facebook password with your spouse. I share every password with my wife … from my Facebook account to every e-mail address I have. Why would I want to do that? It’s called trust and accountability. Knowing my wife can open my laptop at anytime and read anything I’m doing, or see any place I’ve gone, keeps me accountable. Don’t hide things from your spouse. Make sure you regularly tell them, “You are welcome to see what I’m doing anytime.”
  4. NEVER befriend anyone of the opposite sex that your spouse is uncomfortable with. Think twice before befriending an old boyfriend or girlfriend. Simple communication with your spouse about this is best.
  5. Defriend anyone who crosses normal boundaries. If someone is saying things, doing things or asking questions online that make you uncomfortable OR would make you uncomfortable in person, then that’s not a good sign. Listen to the little voice in your head. If something tells you “this isn’t right,” then it’s probably not. Never be ashamed or afraid to defriend someone that may have ulterior motives.
  6. If you’re married, PROUDLY set your “Relationship Status” to married. I wish there was a “Happily Married” status or, for that matter, an “I’m madly in love with my incredibly gorgeous wife.” I’d change my status to that in a heartbeat. :)
  7. Post pictures of you and your spouse on your Facebook, or use a “couple” picture as your profile picture.
  8. Don’t be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. Someone of the opposite sex won’t question your love for your spouse if you occasionally brag on your spouse on your Facebook status. It’s healthy to brag on your spouse, and occasionally doing it in public conveys your love for your spouse to the world. It doesn’t bother me one drop to tell the world just how much I love my wife. At the same time, I would NEVER use my status to complain about my spouse. Not smart!
  9. Think before you type. Don’t make comments on statuses and pictures of other people that come across as suggestive.
  10. No matter how many friends you have on Facebook, remember that your #1 friend should be your spouse. Strive to better that relationship on a daily basis. Work 1,000 times harder to grow in your marriage relationship than you do at finding friends on Facebook. NEVER take your relationship with your spouse for granted. The last thing you want is for 1,000 Facebook friends, while the love between you and your best friend slowly dies out.
Can you think of any Facebook rules for married couples that I might have missed?

About Jason Hardin

Jason Hardin lives in central Ohio with his wife Shelly, three daughters, and a vicious miniature Yorkie. He works with the Laurel Canyon church of Christ. Jason is the author of Boot Camp, Hard Core, and Hello, I’m Your Bible, as well as a variety of workbooks. He's a fan of photography, baseball, minions, and Venti cups of coffee.

17 comments

  1. Excellent rules. I had to counsel a young woman not long ago on this very subject. She was very surprised when I told her my hubby can get on and read my fb pages. And that I block or delete anyone he is uncomfortable with. And this is done not because he has power over me haha he gave that up looooonnnnnggggg ago. But because I love and respect him.

  2. Thanks for the good comment, Bonnie. Love and respect. Two key words in any successful marriage. No doubt about it.

    Thanks for reading!

  3. thank you for the article. I deleted anyone other than close friends and family, especially those of the opposite sex, thankfully I rejected ex girlfriends and anyone who has a bad influence on me and my marriage.

  4. im not all that good or familier with computers kinda makes me mad or upset.I love my wife so much words cant explain.I seen lots of arguments and cheating followed with divorce and told my self we came this far along with out a computer all never buy one.LESS PROBLEMS well spoke to soon were both 31years old and have 3 children together my kids told me that everybody has a computer and then i asked everybody i came acros 98% said yes+ i didnt want my kids not to have a chance to lern about computers so i bought one and they love it and way smarter than me on the computer.NOW MY WIFE CANT STOP WITH FACEBOOK OR WHATEVER U CALL IT … KINDA LIKE COFFIE 1ST THING IN MORNING BEFOR I GO TO WORK SHES ON AND WHEN I GET HOME PRETTY SAME,SOMETIMES I THINK SHES LISTENING TO ME BUT NO SHES NOT AND WALK AWAY .I HAD TOLD HERE IF SHES LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY PLEAS TELLL ME AND ALL LEAVE FOR GOOD …HOPE FOR THE BEST ,PREPAIR FOR THE WORST…SHES THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPENED TO ME I DONT WANT TO LOOSE THAT

  5. HISTORY ON LAST COMENT

  6. I have to agree with Danny, and not just to agree…I'm living through it right now. I don't have a facebook page, never had an account or a fake account. My wife does, and it's locked down so tight that the government would have a difficult time with any interrogation of her because of it. Everyday she's spends a extremely long amount of time on facebook, hardly ever communicates with me. I go into the living room to ask her if we could talk, she never looks up and keeps typing saying "sure, what's up?" No eye contact and her fingers never leave the keys, then she finally stops and looks up at me as if to say "ok, what is it now?" What?…this is what our relationship has come to? Who has become more important to you that you can't even lift your fingers off the keys to talk to your husband? And why is your page locked down? And why do you become defensive when I ask (aks mind you), may I look at your facebook page with you? Then she responds "why?" What? No reverence, no respect for me. And by the things she has posted on her opening page, why would you think I would question sites like: "Why Did I Get Married Too (2010)," by movie producer Tyler Perry. Where's the Lord in all of this? I don't like what facebook has done to our relationship. But I'm no longer competing for her attention facebook, you win.

  7. i thank God for using you and this site to give me a better understanding and confirmation regarding this issue. my husband and i recently had a misunderstanding re: fb. i know part of it is probably my insecurities and he blames it on that too, but i was having such a hard time explaining to him what i'm feeling…. but you nailed it! it's the feeling of being uncomfortable. i was explaining to him the dangers and problems caused by temptations and still i don't think he still gets my point. i'm hoping that when he reads this, it will help him understand me better and will be willing to do what needs to be done in order to not let these types of networking sites affect our marriage.

    i'm grateful for couples like you who stands as an example for the glory of God. may the Lord continue to bless your marriage to be a blessing to others =D

  8. I agree whole heartly, facebook-blackplanet-myspace are nothing but the devils playground for disrupting what God has ordained in my opinion I believe if you are married there is no, and I emphasise strongly no reason to be on either of those sites. Think about it people, when those sites were created it was designed for single people trying to hook up with other single people, it’s just as stupid to be married and still going to single clubs and bars. If you really value your relationship then grow up, stop trying to be “married but still got it attitude”.

  9. I broadly agree with these points, but some of them are too extreme. Your partner should not dictate who you can be friends with, sure they can have an input that you should take into account, but its abusive to allow a veto. Also its pretty immature to avoid being friends with ex's, if your marriage is so weak you can't befriends with ex's perhaps there's something wrong with it. Also while its good to be as open as possible and not make a secret of passwords. There is such a thing as personal privacy and some things are best kept to ones self. Also just because your spouse gives you their password doesn't mean you should go stalking through all their private communications, equally if you do and you find a few things that go close the line, don't forget that you are creeping through their stuff with permission and you should give them the benefit of the doubt and not get as upset as you would if you if they had done it in front of your face or done it completely secretly. If someone really loves you, you can give them freedom and they will always come back to you, you can't oppress them into loving you.

  10. Bragging about your spouse is a great way to have your Facebook friends hide you from their news feeds, or defriend you completely, because it’s incredibly annoying.

  11. unfortunately i can sympathize with so many of you. my wife and i have never had a stellar relationship or marriage, we have been the brunt of many misfortunes that put strain on our relationship. but we have always tried to trust and respect one another as much as we can. i know i am mostly to blame for my feeling at the moment due to the history of my past relationships (all have ended in my significant other cheating). but my insecurities aside the atmosphere has changed drastically sense she has created a facebook account about 4 years ago. at first i wouldn’t have anything to do with it so she was the only one on it. i had access to everything she did as i helped her create it. as time went on her attitude towards me went distant and she started to spend more and more time on it (as opposed to spending time with me or the children) its gotten so bad that she will stay up till 5 in the morning on it avoid me all together and sleep all day.curious who she could be spending so much time with for so long and so late at night i picked up her ipod and checked her account. to my dismay i found conversations that were a bit cryptic, she had signed on to singles sites claiming she was only looking for new friends in our area. and there were time where conversations were half completed or you could tell that part was deleted as to cover or hide what was written. its progressed to the point now where she has changed her password and is violently angry when i try to ask for her password claiming i am so intrusive and a healthy relationship respects privacy. recently she went across the country to spend some time with family as i was in the military and would be real busy. during her time there she would rarely call and labeled me clingy and not the man she thought i was when i told her i missed her and wanted to spend some time with her on the phone. thoughts of her infidelity are swarming through my head and when i herd that there was a issue of her infidelity within her circle of friends concerning her i fell apart. but instead of her explaining to me what the details or circumstances were/are she accuses me of being insensitive and acquisitive i still don’t know what exactly was the accusation or the instance she was accused of.  facebook has literally driven a wedge between us or maybe our relationship was doomed from the start and i am too hopelessly in love with her still to see it crumble before me. i know this is a long post but i have tried to make sense of this and spoke to many people and psychologists about these issues and have come to this conclusion. facebook is NOT responsible for the breaking off relationships rather it is the improper use of such social networking sites that aids in whats already there. a healthy relationship requires trust communication and accountability should trust or accountability be an issue in a relationship communication is almost impossible.  please for the love of all things holy make sure your significant other can access anything if you have nothing to hide than there shouldn’t be a problem. i love the facebook rules on this page i feel if they were used in my situation steps could have been taken to strengthen our marriage and maybe we would not be looking at ourselves in question. a word of advice to any and all married couples with social network accounts. follow these rules i be leave if your marriage is as strong as you would hope it to be there should be no problem in following these. they should actually all ready be in use.

    • tango43@gmail.com

      Emanuelcostilis please read “Love Must Be Tough” by James Dobson. I am suggesting this as a book that can really help you to understand what is going on.

  12. I am amazed at how some use FB as a way out or escape from reality to the point of being secret or even living a secret life from their spouse. Some believe that FB and cell phones are their personal space and husband/wife should not have to be open about their FB or cell phone “personal life”. Marriage is hard enough at times which some turn to media as a way out which in turn results in little things that can alter ones mindset of their marriage or spouse. My divorce was influenced greatly by FB and cell phone secrets. But I will add there were issues long before FB and cell phone use. So I am searching out healthy ideas and ways to protect my future marriage. Some say shared FB accounts are due to lack of trust, but is it really, or is it just good ol accountability? I believe that “openness” with such media doesnt mean that the spouse will “snoop”, its merely means that you have nothing to hide. Im sure if more marriages would be open in such way that even the ones that do have some trust issues would soon build trust and eventually will have strong life long marriages.

  13. My husband and I are firm believers that there is no reason in the galaxy for a married couple to have separate FB pages. You should be on as a couple, period. There is nothing either of you should be doing on FB that couldn’t be done or said with your spouse present. If you “friend” someone, do it as a couple or not at all. If an “ex” contacts either of you, we feel it should either be ignored, or responded to once, as a couple to wish the person well but to make it clear that further communication is unwanted. Period. If you find yourself wanting contact with members of the opposite sex, ask yourself why. It means something is lacking in your marriage and contact with the opposite sex is begging for TROUBLE. I personally know of several “exes” who looked up married people and tried to initiate relationships. These were single or divorced people who were hoping to re-kindle the flame and quite frankly did not care if the person was married. Guard your marriage because there are ALWAYS wolves at the door.

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